Survival guide to sporting events for the non-sporting types
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When it comes to sports, outdoors and activity in general, my life has been one awkward situation after another. I’m just gonna say it right now: I don’t follow/participate in any kind of sport or sporting activity.
It just doesn’t do anything for me. I can’t walk into a pub without some kind of sports event on the television. Like, I understand that a lot of people go to the bar to watch sporting events but what about the rest of us? I’ve seriously seen a bartender turn off Robocop 2 (a cinematic gem) to watch a hockey game. Don’t get me wrong, I was just as excited as everybody else that the lockout had come to a close. But to celebrate at the expense of Irvin Kershner’s masterpiece is just wrong.
During the time of year when new sports fans seem to come out of the woodwork to celebrate the Super Bowl, I implore the girly, nerdy and generally uninterested among us to stand tall.
Know that you are not alone in your athletic indifference. Allow me to help you with strategies I’ve acquired in my long career of not caring about anything sports related.
1. Change the subject
If and when someone approaches me with a sports topic that’s over my head, I’ve found that it’s best to not try and play along. Trust me, spouting off that one random fact that you know about Ray Lewis isn’t going to make the encounter end, it’ll only make it worse. Instead, try changing the topic to one you actually know about. Chances are the other person isn’t going to care about your opinions on the latest season of Dr. Who and the conversation isn’t going to last much longer anyway.
2. Don’t shy away from the party
Just because you don’t care about the event itself doesn’t mean you can’t partake in Super Bowl parties. You’d be surprised how little people actually watch the game once the festivities get in full swing. If all else fails you can just play Chrono Trigger on your phone like you were planning to do anyway (just me?…probably). It should also be noted that hype is universal. If people are going crazy over something, the excitement tends to spread. Making sure you’re amongst a lively bunch is key for surviving sports related festivities.
3. Ask questions
The quickest way to bring your involvement in any situation to a screeching halt is a flurry of questions. I’ve noticed that an overall lack of sports knowledge is crucial to making this work. If you’re invited to a sport or sports related event you should just go! If you don’t hold back and ask every question that comes to you there won’t be a second invitation. Trust Me.
Those three should be enough to at least get you through the NHL playoffs without incident. Good luck. And remember: there’s no shame in admitting you have no idea what sport is being played.
nsmith@lanthorn.com
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Pictures of the Year 2012-2013
Courtesy Photo/Joe Kargula and Erik Peterson run the Marathon leg of the Ironman Triathlon
GVL / Robert Mathews Quarterback Heath Parling (12) leading the offense past Notre Dame College.
GVL / Eric Coulter Senior Jake Isaacson placed eigth in the Spartan Invitational. Isaacson's time of 25:04 was the highest among Division II athletes.
GVL/Jessica Hollenbeck Student Senate President Jack Iott speaks to the assembly during Thursday's meeting.
Courtesy / gvsu.edu President Haas and Montcalm Community College President Robert C. Ferrentino sign the transfer agreement
Courtesy Photo/ GVSU Athletic Department Sophomore Chris Cunningham lines up a putt at a past match.
Courtesy Photo / GVSULakers.com Andrew Darrell prepares to return the serve earlier this season.
GVL / Jessica Hollenbeck President Haas cooks pancakes during Family Weekend's "Pancakes with Presidents".
GVL / Jessica Hollenbeck President Haas cooks pancakes during Family Weekend's "Pancakes with Presidents".
GVL / Archive Forward Briauna Taylor (31) chases down a lose ball in a game last season
Courtesy Photo / Dean Breest Sophomore Allyson Winchester was named the GLIAC Women's Cross Country Athlete of the Year after finishing first with a time of 20:48.8.
GVL / Archive GVSU's Breland Hogan rises and fires over three defenders last season.
GVL/Bo Anderson Briauna Taylor leads the fast break during a game earlier this season.
GVL / Robert Mathews Associate Vice President for Facilities Planning, James Moyer, leading a walk through of the Mary Ideam Pew Library
Courtesy Photo / GVSU DII Men's Hockey Jeremy Christopher chases down a puck during a matchup last season.
GVL / Bo Anderson Students and faculty danced under the spectacular light show in the Devos Place Ballroom
GVL / Robert Mathews Martin L�wenberg, holocaust survivor, speaking at the Genocide Awareness Night presentation in the Grand River Room.
Courtesy / Dean Breest Senior Sam Lockhart finishes her indoor career with two individual national championships in weight throw and shot put at the 2013 National Championships.
Archive / Robert Mathews Giancarlo Brugnoni (40) rounding the bases during a previous game.
GVL/Bo Anderson Seniors Christ Koppenaal, Bill Madsen, and Mitch Weber measure the exterior of the Wesley House as part of an energy audit.
GVL / Robert Mathews Senior Anthony Campanella pitching against Tiffin University during the Lakers double header.
GVL / Eric Coulter Brother Jed Smock, a member of Campus Ministry USA, speaks with fervor to a student. Many students, all with differing views, came to watch the Campus Ministry members speak.
GVL / Sean Mouton A passing walker stops to admire some recently constructed pieces of Art Prize 2012.
GVL Archive Senior Nick Gunthorpe follows through and watches his shot at the Ardenson last year. This weekend the team will be playing in South Haven.
GVL / Bo Anderson GVSU's Katie Martin points to her teammate after safely reaching second base.
GVL / Robert Mathews Mary Idema Pew Library Learning and Information Commons under construction.
GVL / Archive The Grand Valley Rowing Team during Spring Training in Florida last spring.
GVL / Robert Mathews Judge Glenda Hatchett, keynote guest for Monday's King celebration, speaks in the Grand River Room in Kirkhof.
GVL / Robert Mathews Judge Glenda Hatchett, keynote guest for Monday's King celebration, speaks in the Grand River Room in Kirkhof.
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