39°F & Clear 7 day forecast Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Grand Valley State University's Beacon Since 1963, Allendale, MI
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How to survive college: oh wait, you kind of already did

Seeing as midterms are upon us and spring break is in the very near future, I felt it was necessary to look back at the past year along with our accomplishments. I, along with all of you who are reading this, have survived the onslaught of copious reading assignments, the hurried walks across campus, and the treacherous conditions that we have had to live with in this farmland/snow globe.

But similar to any special circumstances, there were unspoken rules that we had to follow in order to make it up to this point. You should know this though, after all, you’re reading this now. You have not made any mistakes large enough to derail you, let’s hope, but what we can be sure of is your ability to pay attention is getting better – some people stopped reading the second they saw the word “midterms.” And hey, kudos to you for getting this far. There are 34 days of classes left of the winter semester. No, that doesn’t include the long, harsh journey that you will embark on through the dense woods of the Who Cares Forest, leading to the dungeons that have taken so many students called Finals, but there is no point in killing optimism, so let’s get back to those survival skills. I’ve included the top three so as not to bore you. And although this is more of a “congratulations,” some of you are still having trouble with a couple of the following rules, therefore hints are provided for your benefit.

#1. Attendance: everyone throughout high school lied when they said that teachers didn’t care whether or not you show up to class, because either way they would be getting paid. For some reason, they still want to read an entire powerpoint that you can access online to your sleep-deprived face. Hint: Yeah, if you need to read this hint you’re probably at a C or so on participation. Try telling the teacher they look nice the next time you see them, in a non creepy manner.

#2. Questions: when in class, the last five minutes or so is quiet time. You’ve most likely quickly discovered this when that annoying girl in your math class (you know who you are) asks an in depth question with 15 seconds left of class. Hint: Stop. Just stop.

#3. Be yourself: as we all know, there are a lot of personalities at GVSU. Show your originality, if you haven’t already! Get your body pierced like everyone else, or girls, wear your hair in an extremely high/messy bun that will ironically get in front of your eyes. Hint: Seriously though, you look like you’re either drunk or an aspiring sumo-wrestler.

Well, good luck continuing to survive out there! If you needed to use all of the hints, cherish the days ahead. And like Dr. Seuss once said: don’t cry because it happened. Unless of course your professor was cruel and made the midterm this week.
sschoch@lanthorn.com



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