Living with a baby

By Rick Lowe | 3/9/14 7:32pm

Here’s an uncommon situation you might find yourself in: a baby for a roommate. No, that’s not an an insult, I mean a literal infant.

Before you start making insinuations about me, here’s this declaration: IT’S NOT MINE. Some backstory? Moved in with my roommate, his girlfriend moved in with us, they got married, they got pregnant. The baby came in November, around Thanksgiving. She was a cute little quiet thing. For a while.

Then she found her voice.

This baby? She cries and screams when she has a gas bubble or has to wait an extra five minutes for her bottle. You should hear her right after being given a bath—she likes the warm water very much, or so I can deduce by the way she protests being removed from it. She’s been teething recently, as well. Never have I been so thankful for music and headphones.

I first discovered my extreme irritation at the sound of a baby’s cries when playing The Sims 2. The third game is no different, actually, in the recorded sound of Sim babies. And unfortunately, with the real life baby I can’t hover over her and click the “fast-forward button” to both mute her and watch her squirm and flail at unnatural and humorous high speeds. There’s no turning this unpleasant situation into an amusing one.

Should you find yourself living with a baby that is not your own, I would suggest all of the following: Drown your sorrows in music (as if I need an excuse, right?), hide in your bedroom, savor every moment of peacefulness, make the most of the times the parents take the baby out of the residence with them. Most importantly? Understand that while babies cry to communicate their wants and needs not being met, there are times when a baby cries for absolutely no discernible reason. You think you’re confused as to what that baby wants? The parents are even more confused, because they’re the ones working with the diapers and bottles.

Heck, chances are the baby doesn’t even want anything—it could be over-stimulated. Think about the cyclical nature of being a baby. Say you have a baby who’s tired, who cries because they don’t feel good. This keeps them awake, which makes them more tired. Which makes them cry some more. Gives new meaning to “cry yourself to sleep,” eh?

Doesn’t stop that noise from being one of the most infuriating ever to enter my ears, though.

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