Humor: The real problem with parking

By Parker Murray | 4/6/16 11:24pm

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by Sara Carte / Grand Valley Lanthorn

If you ask any Grand Valley State University student or faculty member what the main issue at GVSU is, they would all say the same thing without fail: parking, parking, parking.

Of course this is a legitimate issue, GVSU did show their business chops at the start of the school year and sell 1,000 more parking permits than they had spaces for. That’s 1,000 students who had to ride the bus of all things instead of driving from Copper Beech.

Think about the way they feel. Having to ride the bus like a bunch of big dumb idiots, sitting next to all of the uncultured swines who also ride the bus, all of these plebeians whose parents didn’t buy them a car. Pathetic.

More so, think about all of these people, all of these poor, poor souls, who have to walk from the back of the parking lot to class. We all know that the reason we have legs, the reason that we are young college students in our physical primes, is so that we can walk the least amount of distance as possible.

Feel some sympathy for all of these poor souls. Look at the girl with a hot date at the local Applebee’s immediately following her COM 101 class - she can’t make it on time because she has to hike to her parking spot. What about the guy who’s trying to make it to the party that starts immediately following his ultimate frisbee club meeting - he’s late because he had to ride the bus.

The parking at this school is pathetic. How can people even still go this school with the way that the parking is set up? They’re making new parking lots, they say, parking will be better next year, they say. Will that change how much we have to walk to get to class? Will that make it easier to get the best spot in the lot?

My father taught me one lesson growing up: “Son,” he said, “there is one glory in life. There is one reason to keep on keepin’ on. Some say it’s love, some say it’s passion, but it’s the only thing, the only thing that matters in life, is the best spot in the lot.”

The best spot in the lot, I’ve dreamed of that. I’ve dreamed of that at this school for years, hunting, searching for glory of the best spot in the lot. What a dream it has been, but the hunt has been a nightmare.

Papa would be ashamed that I go to this school, that I go to a school where it’s near impossible to find the long-desired best spot in the lot. He would look at me with shame, he would look at me with tears in his eyes because of how much I disappointed him in not living life to the fullest.

This isn’t an Aldo’s parking lot, this is a parking hell.

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