It’s Not Easy To Be Me
Everybody wants a perfect ending to their story. They want something happy and heart fulfilling that they can tell their kids about. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a fairytale ending, but something close to it would suffice. I was about there right after I have seen Big Fish for the first time, and loved it from then on.
It’s one of the reasons why people love going to the movies so much; to enter into another world where something you thought might never happen could actually come true. We allow ourselves to be sucked into this medium of make-believe because it’s exciting and new and full of possibilities. It’s the only place that allows love to be applied to all sorts of people regardless of their situation. I may not be a dashing Ryan Reynolds lookalike but when I watch Definitely, Maybe I do feel as though I’m part of, or at least I want to be a part of, the situation that he was in.
I am what you might call a distant admirer. It might sound like I’m referring to myself as a stalker or a creeper but I’m not. I just go through my usual routine of noticing a girl that tickles my fancy and admiring her from afar. I imagine what our conversations would be like if I did talk to her, what we would discuss in detail, what we would laugh about, what would set us in a rage. It all happens in my head but never through my actions. That, my friend is the true definition of a very sad man.
But I can’t help it, I can’t control what I can or can’t do (sounds like a conundrum there). I have literally filled my entire soon-to-be-22-year old mind with movies and music and stories of love that knows no boundaries and has a perfect ending, which is probably why I set my standards to an unreachable level. I idealize my future to an extent that I don’t know what I want in the present anymore.
If you are in the same boat as I am, I understand your situation and sometimes it does hurt to know that you don’t have the same luck as other people do. You know that you’re a good, decent, lovable human being but it just hasn’t happen yet and you feel as though as it will never do. Occasionally, I would feel the same too and I beat myself up (not literally) and put myself down for no good reason at all even though I was perfectly fine all by myself. I guess people like you and I just prefer to have a companion beside us for a change.
However, if you do feel like talking to someone about it, feel free to make a trip to the counseling center on campus because the people there are really helpful and they’ll help you get back on track of things. Don’t feel as though you have to go through all this by yourself because you don’t have to. When it rains, there is always a rainbow that comes after it.