Editorial

Gyms are for squares - dance party 2010

By Elijah Brumback GVL Staff Writer
2/3/2010

Every winter I can normally anticipate gaining a few extra pounds of insulation on my betoken physique. This is acceptable to me, minus only the fact that it becomes slightly more difficult to put on socks.

The trouble is I've started to become suspicious of the pounds that seem to just roll-over similar to cell phones minutes, that is, if you have a good plan. But this is not a good plan, for anyone.

That is why I've made a late New Year's resolution and decided to leave making fatty deposits limited to what I do at the bank.

The grandest part of it all is I've discovered the most pleasurable way to literally dance my way to a figure rivaling that of Da Vinci's David.

I might not be there yet, but I am damn sure on my way and I'm not talking about some cockamamie DVD you can buy on late-night infomercials. If you've ever been to a Justice or Daft Punk concert you know what I'm talking about: good old-fashioned, non-stop rump shaking.

It's as simple as putting on my iPod and terrorizing my roommates with David Lee Roth-style leg kicks and Henry Rollins intensity. When something is fun you can do it for hours and not notice. This is that kind of fun. I suppose the best way to categorize what I'm speaking of is a kind of interpretive dance.

I laugh when I see people running stationary on a treadmill with all their faces looking as if they've been playing Farmville for a solid 72 hours. In fact I recommend putting on your iPod or taking your boom-box down to the gym and just start grooving hard right in front of those poor suckers. In 2010, gyms are for squares.

Another great facet is it's essentially free and can be done virtually anywhere. If you're not opposed to awkward staring and pointing, I fully suggest a public domain to showcase your fitness and undoubtedly unique dance prowess.

Now, I know some people are less premium dancers compared to others and being embarrassed is not something you might actively look for. Be that the case, try cutting some serious rug in the privacy of your own room. Becoming a true master, similar to any skill-based activity, takes time.

Beyond all that though, the main goal is simply: as Iggy Pop would say, to search and destroy! Let it all hang out. Shake what your momma gave ya. There are no judges or weigh-ins.

Ultimately, it is a release mentally and physically accompanied by the added benefit of burning calories. Now you know why every Raver and Hipster you've ever met has been rail thin and such a mean dancer. They get down whenever and wherever they can.

I'm a firm believer in the idea that people who dance always have more fun. I wish you all a totally healthy, epic, super jam, too-legit-to-quit dance party 2010.

ebrumback@lanthorn.com

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