Just as a warning to people reading this: This piece is clearly a satire. Don’t freak out. If he actually meant what he was saying he’d be violating the newspaper’s own comment policy of not allowing things deemed ‘racially derogatory, inflammatory…’

First and foremost, you are the ignorant one. To write something of this nature show’s your bigotry and lack of acceptance to anything you don’t believe in.

In case you weren’t aware, Christmas isn’t about lights, mistletoe, Santa Claus, or reindeer, but about the birth of your lord and savior. The “fun” parts of Christmas derive from pagan rituals and have no true relevance to the purpose of the holiday.

To say that America has a Christmas or bust policy couldn’t be further from the truth. Since you don’t like melting pot, let’s call America a mixing bowl, where there is said to be a separation between church and state… meaning that religion should be kept separate from the workings of the country.

Please do some research before you write, and check your ignorance at the door.

I have written several satires throughout high school and college and none of them have been this offensive. And when people refer to America as a “melting pot”, they are talking about melting everything IN the pot not the pot itself. I am half christian and half jewish and to hear that you don’t care at all about my religion while I care AND celebrate yours is highly offensive and makes you the ignorant one.
I suggest that you take in consideration other people’s thoughts and feelings before you write another article like this. Telling people to go back to their own country gives a bad impression on the United States and makes us look like we won’t accept people unless they are like us. Just imagine if you moved into a muslim country and praised Christmas and Christianity to them. They obviously wouldn’t like it. So if you don’t think you would like someone to bash you for your religion then I suggest you don’t do the same to the other 99% of the students here at Grand Valley.
And for your information, I still deal with people making fun of me for my two religious and I occasionally get teased for technically being half jewish. This pushed it over the top. I have never met someone as offensive as you. Be more considerate of the people around you and look at the log in your eye before you pick out the splinter in others. If the splinter is my religion then the log in yours is your ignorance.

I think this is well written. I like it. If this was about the LGBT community, African Americans, Christianity….it’d still be funny. Keep making us laugh, Chris!

The phrase “melting pot” does not refer to a physically melting caldron…. it refers to the substance inside which is melting. Therefore, I’m pretty sure you’re analogy just makes you sound like you don’t even know why we American’s refer to our country as a ‘melting pot.’
So even if we keep up the ‘melting our pot’ we’ll all be just fine.

How can you be so intolerant of other people’s first amendment rights???? People like you shouldnt be allowed to speak!

“Satire” is typically distinguishable from that which it seeks to ridicule. So, in that sense, I’d say you really dropped the ball. You come off as neither funny nor more educated/tolerant than the bigots you are trying to call out.

As a Christian and American I am extremely offended by this article. It doesnt matter if he was being satirical, the content in this article is highly offensive and should of never been published. This is the Lanthorn not the NY Post, get this trash out of here

He’s sexist too! Don’t forget about the articles where he’s sexist! Chris Slattery, you ignorant, intolerant, sexist pig.

I understand that it’s all tongue-in-cheek, but this could have been presented much more intelligently and appropriately. Sorry Slattery, but this was in really bad taste and didn’t come of the way you intended it at all. Remove it from the paper

This article may not be “good” satire, or “clearly distinguishable” satire. However, it is still satire.

I want to say that the journalist has a right to publish this, but it should be good. This “satire” was atrocious. There was no point at where it was funny. Why? Because it’s trying to emulate the work of Stephen Colbert. Perhaps the journalist should look into making satires of his own and try not to steal them from people who used their satires to get to where they are.

Learn to be tolerant. This is a complete joke, just like you are for writing it. You should be ashamed of yourself. This is garbage.

Ok, ill give you this. I agree with the fact that Americans have every right to say Merry Christmas and have a Christmas tree and a Santa hat.
But nothing, and I mean NOTHING, gives you the right to use that to slander other peoples beliefs like you did. This is the highest form of ignorance a person can show, and the fact that you were allowed to publish this is simply appauling. I wonder just how many students there at GVSU are asking you to pull out that mistletoe so that you can kiss their ass.

I can’t believe GVSU allowed this to print.. I am ashamed to associate myself with this newspaper. As a non-english major I know how to recognize satire and this is poorly done at best. Very distasteful and offensive.

Only after reading through this article twice was I able to read the satire in it. The fact that it’s meant to highlight a sensitive issue through sarcastic humor is fine, but that can be accomplished in a FAR less-derogatory manner. Even in a satirical editorial, it is inexcusable to use such terms as “Go back to Hanukkahland or Kwanzaa City or the Diwali Islands” and “It’s not ignorant at all to ignore-uh the menorah.” What is supposed to be a clever play on words comes out as blatantly offensive and harmful. This article should have been screened more carefully. Please remove it before it damages anyone.

Vladamir, The Lanthorn is the INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER. That is why is was allowed to print. Despite having “Grand Valley” in the title, it is not official affiliated with the school.

If any of you think that you can do a better job than Slattery, then by all means, apply to The Lanthorn.

To all of those offended… Do you understand satire at all? Do you honestly think that Chris thinks the “melting pot” is an actual pot? I think that makes all of you who said this ignorant. “Oh, I’m so offended!” Give me a break. This article is full of jokes that, if actual real opinions of Slattery, would not be present in our paper. Get it together, readers. Better yet, quit taking offense to such silly things. I’ll tell you what… Next time you get offended, read it again and think to yourself, “Would GVSU, an incredibly liberal school, hire a writer that would spew such angry things about religion and other controversial topics?” No, they wouldn’t.

Everyone simmer down. The author is writing in character…the same as he has for semester after semester. Those of you arriving at this article from Facebook with your torches and pitchforks can set those aside. Everyone has their backwards uncle that thinks this way. If you don’t, just browse MLive comments for five minutes, you’ll be surprised. If a 300 word op-ed in a small student newspaper is enough to poke holes in your ego or faith, you’ve got a larger issue at hand. Enjoy the holidays for your own reasons, not because you’re not getting your share of the pie.

The point the author is trying to make is that self-interested entitlement during the holidays undermines the reason we have them in the first place. Those that are offended by this need more important things to complain about.

The people that are overreacting are simply proving what he so sarcastically claimed in his satire.

this column is SO FUNNY. you people reeeeally need to chill out. it’s solid gold.

Satire or not, I honestly can’t believe I just spent the last 60 seconds reading this. It’s pieces like this that make me embarrassed to associate myself with Grand Valley. It’s no wonder why in my 3.5 years here so far, I have never heard one positive thing said about the Lanthorn. Thank you for continuing to prove everyone’s point: the Lanthorn is a worthless embarrassment to this university.

To the “new” commenters:
Are you seriously questioning whether people have the right to be upset about this article? The point is that PEOPLE ARE UPSET, not whether you think their reasons to be upset are valid.
Simply put: this satire crosses a line. This is coming from an atheist who chooses her moral battles carefully, not someone trying to defend the phrase “Merry Christmas”. This is about the people from OTHER cultures that you’ve offended by using derogatory terms in an under-developed satirical fashion. Pay closer attention to these comments. Take the article down.

Hold on… I am unequivocally shocked at the ignorance of most of these commenters. You say, “I understand it’s satire” yet you are persistent with your outrageous claims of Mr. Slattery’s “bigotry”. I hope that those in opposition of this piece are not students at Grand Valley or any university for that matter. Mr Slattery’s intentions are quite clear, to promote equal recognition, appreciation, and acceptance of all religions during this holiday season (and the whole year). Please, refresh your minds of the definition of satire before displaying utter hypocrisy by calling Slattery “ignorant”. Happy Holidays! Cheers—

To understand – please understand that, as a registered student organization on Grand Valley’s campus, the Lanthorn actually is, in fact, associated with the school. In terms of its organization and how it may be governed by the school, it is no different than a club sport, a Greek organization, or a social club.