Roommate etiquette: The Almighty Ruleths of Commoneth Senseth
I was getting tired of the repetitive question to which I was giving a consistent answer: “actually, I’m going in blind with three roommates for next year.”
Yeah, yeah, a risk, I had already gotten that response quite a few times. And yes, I know that I could make best friends that I never would’ve met otherwise. But it surprised me when I got the blunt question, “You do know the basic roommate rules, right?”
It’s already October, so I’m assuming (key word being “assuming”) that anyone in their right mind would know these rules. If anything, they should really be called the “Almighty Ruleths of Commoneth Senseth.” Midterm season is upon us, and thoughts that involve looming reading assignments and deadly Scantrons are most likely floating in a majority of students’ heads, taking up the space that would normally be filled with other things; for example, roommate etiquette. So this is a reminder that you’re still stuck with your roommate for at least two months, if not for the rest of the year.
There are five main rules. I’m sure that you could name countless more, but after talking to a wide range of students, I’ve gathered these five “DON’T DO IT’s.”
Countdowns are fun, so let’s start with number five.
5) Studying is important. When your roomie casually mentions that he or she has a huge test coming up, don’t choose that exact moment to call up your parents and request for them to bring over your karaoke set. No, you’re wonderful at reenacting Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats,” and the fan is a beautiful touch for your wind machine, but grades are important, so be quiet.
4) Sleeping is important too. No one likes to be rudely awakened at odd hours of the night because of the mysterious phone calls that you’re getting, and the age-old excuse of “I couldn’t sleep?” That doesn’t mean that just because you’re like a small nocturnal raccoon, digging in the fridge with red, beady eyes, you should wake up your roommate.
3) Don’t borrow things without asking. Umm, duh. If your roommate comes home to find that you’ve borrowed his or her toothbrush to clean out your fish tank, there’s a slight possibility that you’ll be rooming with your fish next semester. Ask first.
2) Clean up after yourself. No one likes to play the role of mom, especially not in college, so stop using the phrase “no, no, I’ll clean it up, gimme one sec.” It’s been three months, and the noodles have now cemented themselves to the bottom of the pan.
1) Lastly, no shower sex. It would seem obvious, right? But every single friend or student that I’ve asked what the number one law of Roommate 101 is has answered with this rule. The shower is a sacred and clean place, one of refuge and solace.
Please don’t ruin that. Ever.