31°F & Clear 7 day forecast Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Grand Valley State University's Beacon Since 1963, Allendale, MI
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A Toast: To the end of the semester, world

This is it guys. The end.

Turkey day is over, and the dreaded subsequent pseudo-holiday sets us at the less-than-20-day mark for that supposed 2012 cataclysmic disaster. I don’t know about everybody else but I have a lot of mixed feelings when it comes to the imminent end of our species.

For one, it gives me a chance to throw the most ridiculous party ever because I mean…it’s the end of the world – who cares, right? Actually, my neighbors probably would, but they already don’t like me so it’s still on. But at the same time, every movie I’ve ever seen about the apocalypse has bored me to tears – The movie “2012” made me hate John Cusack and that’s terrible – so I doubt the real thing will be that interesting. Some apocalyptic 2012 predictions talk about the appearance of a kick-ass mystical sky dragon. Dope! I’ve clocked far too many hours into RPG’s and the Game of Thrones series to be unappreciative of the chance to see an actual dragon. The end of our species is going to happen eventually, whether it be via nuclear war or meteor … it’s something that’s just going to happen. World destruction by dragon is so epic that I can’t even capture it in the confines of this paragraph.

In all honestly, I don’t think anything out of the ordinary will happen on the Dec. 21. If the Mayans were so good at predicting things, I feel like they would be around to tell the prophecy themselves.

This isn’t the first “end of humanity” prediction I’ve experienced in the last few years. I still have a bumper sticker on my fridge claiming May 21, 2011 to be the judgment day for humanity. The pamphlets I read on the subject were filled with fire, brimstone and a crazy looking four-headed cheetah-monster guy that looked like something from a straight-to-VHS Animorphs movie. Nothing happened. I celebrated my 22nd birthday at midnight and I was no closer to doom than I am right now.

Not that I’m bummed about the end of the world not being a reality – it’d be really crazy if it did; and not necessarily a good crazy, but definitely out of the ordinary crazy, and that has to count for something. If this is humanity’s end, then no sweat. I’m not saying everyone should go out looting but I am saying everyone should go out and have fun. You never know, maybe the blind squirrel found the nut and they were right.
Cheers!

nsmith@lanthorn.com



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