An exponentially growing disease

Stephanie Schoch

It seems to be hitting hard this year. Thus far, they have not been able to come up with any kind of vaccination, and the population of Grand Valley seems to be at risk. The symptoms are easily disguised and the most-likely unknowing college student falls victim to an episode. Everyone is susceptible to the outbreak, and it spreads quickly, like wildfire, encasing casualties by the hundreds.

That was my only answer, as I stood in front of one of my professors after not completing an assignment that happened to be due that day. My description of senioritis was, let’s be modest here, faultlessly accurate.

Everyone is feeling it, and although it may be cliché to talk about it as school begins to come to a close, it is often something that cannot be ignored. After all, in retrospect, ignoring the problem is causing the problem that is occurring now: five 10-page papers that you have to write, three final presentations, two impossible labs, and one final group project.

You would think that this year, what with the nasty weather that seems to be dragging on, cutting the line and taking part of summer’s solo, students would not feel the effects of such pure, malicious procrastination habits. I’m not sure of many others’ feelings about the subject, but this year, although shorter than any other that I’ve experienced (keep in mind, I’m a lil’ baby freshman), seems to be never-ending. It’s as though the homework will never cease to be due, and my status as a first year college student will never rid itself of me.

“There has to be a way to rid myself of this terrifyingly disastrous disease,” I thought to myself one day while attempting to write a final research paper. Inspired, I quickly logged into Pinterest (well, let’s be honest, it was already up), and typed the word “senioritis” into the search bar. The first suggestion was, to put it nicely, crap. “Plan for graduation, get an internship, dive into your extracurriculars!”

Yeah, I’ll get right on that … Looking for more, and better, suggestions, I found symptoms and signs, senior pictures, and pictures of the elderly.

Oh, but finally! I found some good advice, thank goodness. Light a candle: okay, that could be relaxing, make everything smell nice and fresh, too. Wait, we can’t light candles when living on campus. Okay, next, take a bubble bath. Well, only if you live in an apartment that has a bath. And only if you’re willing to take the risk of getting an STD. Take a class just for fun? Where did that come from? A.) It is not relaxing when you find out that there will be a presentation for your strength and conditioning class, and B.) it is currently the end of the semester. Thoughts of new classes should therefore be shunned. Give yourself permission to take a break? Ah, finally something that we both agree on. You know what? I’ve been researching senioritis for about an hour if you round up! Time to take my own advice.

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